Hip? I Know Hip.

In May of 1977, at age 9, just a couple of weeks before the premiere of "STAR WARS," I was diagnosed with avascular necrosis and Legg-Calve-Perthes Disease (or "Perthes"). Avascular necrosis is a disorder that prevents bloodflow to a certain section of the body. In my case, the right hip. Perthes is a debilitating and often times crippling form of arthritis condition that results in the deterioration of the head of one or both hipbones. Fortunately, it was my right hip only.

I had since age 7 displayed symptoms common to the condition: severe limp, night terrors, my right foot was pigeon-toed. However, only months before my diagnosis I was asymptomatic (no visible deterioration). In only a number of weeks my hipbone collapsed. There was no definitive cause for this condition, although there have been theories: at age 6 or 7 I was hit by a truck in the street. There was no visible damage, not even a bruise. There was also a possible genetic component: both my mother's father and her brother had hip conditions but not Perthes, specifically. Regardless of the cause, I had corrective surgery. I was in a body cast for almost ten weeks and then crutches for another five or six months.

While I was trapped in that cast, stuck in a hospital bed and later in a hospital bed at home, I was a real shit. Nurses actually transferred off the floor of the hospital so they wouldn't have to deal with me. But nothing was worse than the hole in the crotch of my cast. I had to pee into a plastic bottle, which I missed more than a few times and that was a whole damn thing. My muscles spasmed nightly and I was injected with muscle relaxants so that I could go back to sleep. Then there was the embarrassment...of my equipment...being visible...for all the world to see. Sometimes my mother would forget to pull the blanket over my boys when someone came by to see me. I would reach out desperately to grab the sheets, but they were always out of my reach. And then I'd have to flipped over like a pancake so my ass crack could breathe...and that was just as bad. I wouldn't let myself be naked in front of another human being, again, until I was in college.

After I appeared to make a full recovery, I was able to shove this disability aside and function like an able-bodied child, teen and adult, albeit with certain restrictions and unrecognized but significant side effects. I became obese, morbidly at times. I suffered chronic arthritis pain, which affected my personality and relationships. I suffered bouts of severe depression. Although I was in therapy for almost 13 years, the underlying reality of my being disabled and my chronic pain went unrecognized and untreated by everyone, including myself. I was never able to pursue physical activities like my peers and spent a create deal of time inside my own imagination coping with my physical pain. Intimacy with others was limited. I became a food addict to cover my pain. At my lowest point I weighed in at 315lbs. I was HUGE!

At age 31, I recognized the same symptoms recurring as when I was 9. The pain I had lived with for almost my entire life was then overwhelming. After almost a year, I finally found an orthopedic surgeon who recognized my disability and I was diagnosed with osteonecrosis - the adult form of Perthes. My right hip had re-collapsed. How I was able to walk was a mystery to the surgeon, who told me my only option was a total hip replacement. However, I was so fat no replacement would take. He told me that if I didn't loose weight I would be crawling into his office on my hands and knees in six months begging for surgery. I spent the next year losing over 100lbs.

In January of 2001, I had a total hip replacement. It took me almost nine months to fully recover, and I have never gained the weight back.