Appearances Are Deceiving

The assumption is that when you are disabled, even living with a hidden disability, that you are more vulnerable than someone who is able-bodied. When someone meets someone who is disabled they are likely to be cautious, even nervous around them for fear of offending or even physically hurting them. To believe the disabled are more vulnerable is one of the great lies about having a disability.

The disabled are by necessity able to survive and withstand conditions the able-bodied need never cope with. Emotionally, psychologically, even physically, the disabled have developed a strength that belies what society sees as their weakness. Certainly this has been the case for me. In fact, because I kept my physical vulnerabilities and limitations hidden for almost 30 years, I created an "aura" if you will and kind of vibe that others read to mean, "back off" or "I don't need anyone else." As a result, for good and bad reasons, it has had a large effect on how people perceived me, especially when first meeting me.

A few years ago, I shaved my head. For most of my adult life I have had a rather copious amount of hair. Albeit a receding hairline and bald patch might say otherwise, I was always complemented on my blonde hair. However, I decided that with the choice to become open and public about my being disabled, I shaved my head. It was a kind of Buddhist way of saying to both myself and the world, "Hey, here I am...naked!" But in conjunction with the massive weight loss and the "back off" aura I had developed since childhood, most people who met me, even my own boss at the time, told me that I looked down-right mean!

In other words, the last thing anyone perceived me as was vulnerable or weak. I guess it attests to the power of mind to create protection when needed. Sense of humor and intelligence are also systems that are developed to compensate for physical limitation. I certainly know that I have a dry and dark sense of humor. The disabled certainly need to be able to laugh at their own circumstance, and I think that the able-bodied should be encouraged to laugh along with them.

A good friend of mine was telling me that he became friends with someone suffering from psoriatic arthritis. At first my friend wasn't sure how to address it or continue to ignore it. Finally, he decided to just cut loose with, "Hey, would mind not flaking all over my couch?" This person with psoriasis broke up laughing and they've been really good friends even since. In my own experience, I never had more fun with my having to walk with a cane then when a friend of mine said, "Dude, you are pimpin' with that cane! We need to get you a pimp hat, some hos...!" I loved it! In fact, I included a variation of that line in the script for "Art Imitating Life."

"Never judge a book by it's cover," is one of the oldest cliches in the book, no pun intended. But as I've discovered, recently, cliches are cliches because they are, at least 90% of the time, true.